When it’s hard to ask for help

(Pulled from day two of my free journal.)

Asking for help can feel awkward, especially when it’s something you think you “should” already know how to do yourself, or have under control. But, asking for help and clarity—sooner rather than later—can be a game changer.

The fear of embarrassment is fuel for procrastination.

Sometimes we spend time on menial tasks that we feel confident with, in order to feel like we are accomplishing something, when really we are just avoiding the most impactful, necessary tasks that we may need assistance with. The sooner I notice that I’m spinning out by working on things that don’t align with my priorities, the sooner I can pivot to doing what’s actually most impactful.

The resistance to asking for help with a problem feels to me like standing waist-deep in ocean water, seeing a large wave rolling towards me, and trying to dig my feet into the sand to brace myself in one location instead of deciding to swim. I keep standing there, knowing the problem coming is bigger than me — and yet I stay frozen and determined to stand still in my spot, stubbornly trying to face it alone. The resistance takes so much effort. More often than not, when the problem finally reaches a breaking point, I end up getting knocked a few yards backwards on my rear with salt water up my nose, and sand in my hair.

Many of us were shamed or embarrassed as kids for asking questions that we “should have” known the answers to, according to the people around us. That old “don’t ask stupid questions” programming is wired into most of us, and it keeps many of us feeling small and isolated. As adults, it’s a trap. Asking for help doesn’t show weakness — it shows bravery and helps us move forward faster. It’s actually a strength found in the BEST leaders because it creates a space where others feel safe to ask for help too. It’s a win for everyone.

If you have trouble asking for help or information, finding ways to support yourself before, or while you reach out for help can make a difference. In order to manage that internal resistance to asking for help, go on a walk while you make that awkward call, or reward yourself afterwards. Remind yourself that good leaders know there are no stupid questions. We all face waves that are taller than us sometimes and we all benefit from environments where it feels safe to ask for help. When you ask questions, you are actually helping to create a culture that helps everyone thrive.

Take it a little further Journal Questions:

Am I procrastinating on anything?

Is there more information I need, or someone I need to talk to, before I can tackle what I’m procrastinating on?

How would it feel to have the answer or help I need?